23 May How to Recover After Broken Rules While Swinging
How to recover after broken rules while swinging can be tricky. It can be very hurtful when you feel as though your partner has ignored your boundaries and broken a rule you have discussed previously. There’s a lot of trial and error when it comes to swinging that you and your partner need to face together. This can mean that sometimes, rules get broken due to misunderstanding or miscommunication, etc.
Working together and discussing why the rule was broken and how you can recover as a couple will be the secret to your success.
How to Recover After Broken Rules While Swinging
The path to recovery is different for each couple. It depends on the willingness of both partners to work through the consequences of breaking the swinging rules.
When a rule is broken, our first instinct is usually to blame. However, when we start with accusations of guilt, we are more likely to think about punishment than solutions. It can be more productive if we think about our readiness to mend the damage caused. Before you try to express yourself to your partner, you must become aware of what your needs are in this situation.
Show your willingness to make things better.
If a couple is to work through rule-breaking, both partners need to be on the same side – the side of their relationship. The premise of the healing process is that both partners are ready to invest in it. This will be a common ground to return to when you find each other standing on the opposing sides. The goal is to reconnect and find a resolution to a painful experience.
Own Your Mistakes and Apologize
This is not about admitting guilt but acknowledging the effects of your behavior. When working through the rule-breaking, the person who crossed the lines needs to take ownership of their mistake and apologize for the consequences of their actions. This should come before any justification to make it easier for the other partner to hear the whole story.
Give each other a chance to vent emotions.
Rule-breaking can leave us with a lot of mixed and strong emotions. A person must get the chance to express these emotions without being told to tone them down. Seeing the full impact of rule-breaking comes in the moments when we let ourselves truly say how we feel. Be patient with each other’s feelings, especially when things may come across as hurtful or rude.
Revisit the broken rule
Before you talk about how breaking the rule affected you, talk about the rule. Get on the same page around the behavior and the rules. Commonly, rule-breaking happens when a couple has a different understanding of what it assumes. Though it doesn’t justify the rule-breaking, the value a partner attaches to the rule can explain their reaction in or after breaking it. A couple may find that the rule was not detailed enough and decide to re-structure it.
Discuss the future steps
How you get past this experience and rebuild trust, communication and connection are essential questions that should be answered to move forward. It’s not enough that you have a shared understanding of what happened. Still, you need to discuss and agree on preventing similar things from happening. This may mean you renegotiate the rules or take a break from swinging to work on your challenges.