Swingers Who Wont Put Out

Today’s post will address how experienced swingers deal with meeting other couples and swingers who won’t put out. Realistically, nobody should be expected to put out on a first date or ever, if they’re not comfortable, but how long is too long to wait for a couple to put out after having a number of dates?


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Swinger Stories - The 21-Year-Old Swingers


Swingers Who won’t Put Out


“My husband and I have not been in the lifestyle long (a few months). We have played with a few couples. With that being said, we are busy people and our time is kind of precious especially since we have kids.

Our routine when talking to couples is 4-way chats over Kik for a few days or weeks and then if we hit it off, we meet up.

We don’t always assume anything is going to happen on the first date because we respect the fact that all involved want to see if there’s a connection. However, we personally don’t want to keep going on dates with the same couple and nothing happens. I mean, we know why we met up in the first place right? My husband and I established a 3 date rule. By the 3rd date if it hasn’t progressed to the bedroom then we move on. Does anyone else have a “rule” like this? Curious if we are just too impatient or if we are being led on.”


Advice from Other Swingers:

Three dates seem like more than enough for busy people

“Three dates seems like more than enough for busy people. My partner and I had one experience with a couple where things didn’t click the first date so we gave it one more shot. The chemistry just wasn’t there so we moved on. There’s no reason to force it if everyone isn’t enthusiastic and excited.”


A little talking openly can avoid wasting time or blue balls

“I mean if it’s not happening after a third get-together it’s probably not going to… however…

If the couple is new to the lifestyle they may be nervous… and even some who have been in it for a while will admit that they suck at the transition and initiation. There are icebreakers to help.

Before the 2nd or 3rd date there’s nothing wrong with asking about goals for the evening… hey assuming everyone’s feeling it, are you two up for playing after dinner? Should we look at rooms we might book afterward?

People have child care limitations and other factors but planning beforehand can make sure everyone gets what they want and you’re not home too late for the sitter.

A little talking openly can avoid wasting time or blue balls.”


we all know why we are there and we all have busy lives

“3 dates is being too generous in my opinion. Because like you said, we all know why we are there and we all have busy lives. Arranging a meet-up with 4 people is no easy task! In my opinion, if playing isn’t at least on the table for the first date, it’s a pass for us. If we meet and chemistry isn’t there, fine. But no reason for a second date then. Why waste time beating around the bush… so to speak.

There have been rare occasions where we didn’t play on the first date and went for a second, but it was only because it had been agreed to beforehand. I.e. “You two are awesome, I know it’s last-minute but we’d love to meet up for dinner tonight, just don’t have time to play afterward.”


What are your takes on the advice given to the couple? How do you go about ensuring your time isn’t wasted?


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