How to let go of a past lover

How to Let Go of a Past Lover

Separating from anyone you once shared a romantic connection with can be difficult, whether the separation was amicable or not. This article is for those of you who need some help on how to let go of a past lover and move on with your life.

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how to let go of a past lover


How to Let Go of a Past Lover

Whether your relationship lasted 10 years or 10 weeks, letting go of a past lover is no easy task. Most times when we separate from someone we once saw a future with, it can devastate us and send the future we had planned for ourselves into ruins. A lot of the time, it’s that future we grieve for more so than the person itself.

Thankfully, there are some things we need to keep in mind when going through these painful situations that will help us. It’s important to note that healing from a breakup is not a linear journey. There will be days where you feel on top of the world and that the breakup was the best thing that ever could have happened to you. And unfortunately, there will be days where you feel lost in the world and can’t imagine living another day without them. 

Patience & Compassion

It’s important to remember to be kind to yourself as you go through the process of letting go of a past lover. It takes time. Unfortunately, wounds don’t heal overnight. That includes both physical and emotional wounds. Be patient with yourself and don’t shame yourself into thinking that you should be over a situation already. Just because they might seem to have moved on without any trouble, doesn’t mean that it’s true. Letting go of love is an ebb and flow process. Some days will be hard, and other days will be a breeze. The sooner you accept this and learn to have compassion towards yourself, the easier it will be for you to be okay with how you’re feeling.


Self Love

You need to learn to love yourself the way you loved them. When we’re in a relationship with someone we love, we often become so engulfed with our partners that we forget the things that we love to do for ourselves. When we separate from a lover and are going through the healing process, having some self-love and doing the things we genuinely like to do will help fill the time that used to be spent with the past lover. Whether it’s painting, rock climbing, or reading – doing these activities that bring you intrinsic joy will help you fill the new space in your life and teach you to give yourself just as much as you give others.



This might be the most important and the least liked one to keep in mind. Stop stalking their social media and checking to see what they’re up to. Although it’s so very tempting to see if they are as miserable as us, realistically they will not show that on the internet. Stop letting your imagination spiral out of control with what-if situations. When we engage in this type of behavior, we become deeply attached to the fantasies about this person and perceive them to be much better than they actually were. If they cross your mind and it starts to wander, acknowledge what you’re feeling, have compassion for yourself and then let it go. The more we stay disciplined and repeat this process, the easier it is to let them go.


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