Consensual Non-Monogamy and Cheating

Consensual non-monogamy (CNM) and cheating. What’s the difference? Swinging relationships emphasize sexual variety and less focus on emotional intimacy with various partners. When two people agree to be sexually exclusive, and one breaks that agreement, it’s called cheating. It typically involves sneaking around and lying to your partner.

In polyamory, all the partners are aware of and consent to the multiple partners. However, people can still cheat within polyamorous and other CNM relationships. Download the Blaxity App

Swinger couples divorce less than Monogomous Couples

Swinger couples divorce less than Monogomous Couples


Failed Monogamists

Some people become polyamorous or start swinging after trying to maintain monogamous relationships and failing. Sometimes it’s because they find themselves repeatedly cheating.

Former cheaters reported feeling tremendous relief that they no longer had to lie once entering an open relationship. All lies just disappear when you can be open with your partner and experience fulfilling both your sexual and emotional needs.


Emotional “Cheating”

People classify cheating differently. Talking to someone you were asked not to talk to can be considered cheating for some folks, especially when it involves emotional intimacy or feelings not shared with the primary partner. It can be very threatening for some swingers when one member of the couple begins to develop an emotionally intimate relationship with someone else. Swinger Couples sometimes ask or require their partner to stop seeing a particular person.

Swinger couples sometimes have a “three strikes, and you’re out” policy. This allows them to have sex with someone else up to three times. After that, they are not supposed to see that same lover again. Even if both partners agree on no emotional attachment, some swingers connect with a particular person alluring. If you continue to “see” someone your partner thinks you have stopped seeing, this would be counted as cheating. “See” can mean chatting online, texting, maybe even some mutual masturbation, to secret meet-ups and affairs.

Breaking Sex Agreements

Not all cheating in CNM comes in sexual and emotional contact. Even people who are allowed to see other swingers without their partners sometimes cheat by doing things sexually they know they shouldn’t. This can include having penetrative sex after, failing to use a condom, having sex somewhere that was agreed to be out of bounds or using a particular position the couple had decided to reserve for their exclusive use, etc.


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