14 Sep Advice for New Swingers
We love sharing advice for new swingers from experienced couples and swingers who have been through the challenges of first starting off in the swinger lifestyle. For new swingers, it can be hard for them to know how to actually go about getting to the act of swinging itself. Baby steps, as the advice given here, will show!
My wife recently brought up her curiosity about swinging with other couples. I told her that we could take baby steps and invite another guy or girl. Besides communication of do’s and don’ts, what advice do you have for us? How will I know that I enjoy her being with another man or she will enjoy me being with another woman if we don’t try it out? We have talked to couples we met on dating apps and it seems to either end up with the guy sending her dick pics so she blocks him or the conversation gets dry and boring. Any advice?
The Advice for New Swingers
-The paid sites are worth it-
“How will I know that I enjoy her being with another man or she will enjoy me being with another woman if we don’t try it out?”
There is no way to predict the future and no one knows you better than each of you. Only you can predict how you generally feel about such things. Jealousy can pop up even for those that have been around a while. You have to be able to work through the jealousy, some can and some can’t…which is fine.
Get on a paid site to help filter through the single male minefield. Free sites just invite the trolls. They’re not perfect, but way better than free. Don’t provide nudes until after you’ve met and all are comfortable. Decide what boundaries you each may have and don’t break your rules. You can always change or modify as needed whenever you want. No trumps yes and go as slow as the slowest person.
-Baby steps and then debrief-
We’d suggest going to a swinger club just to watch if that is an option nearby. Realize that swinger clubs are no different than other clubs in that some will be great and others not so much. Some nights are great and others not so much. Just go for the atmosphere and to talk with others. Maybe just play in the environment just the two of you.
Nothing wrong with going slow. Our first “experience” was simply a dinner date with another couple we met on a swinger site. We set expectations that there would be no play on the first date. The only thing that happened was that my wife and the other husband kissed at the end of the date. I didn’t even see it. Just knowing it happened drove excitement for me, not jealousy. That was a good sign. The next date was a soft swap date with that same couple. We only played for maybe 30 minutes with just oral and no penetration between couples (we did have sex with our own spouses). We then debriefed on the drive home and made sure we both enjoyed it and weren’t having negative thoughts. That is the basic process of taking things slow. Take a baby step and then debrief. This isn’t a race. You can always take a step back and change direction or whatever based on what you want to do as a couple. Just talk a lot and realize it’s just fun. It doesn’t mean anything more than that.