12 Jul 4 Things To Avoid When Arguing
There are 4 things to avoid when arguing with your partner. Arguments happen in all types of relationships, from strangers to friends, to lovers. Although arguing constantly and never resolving your issues is a toxic path to ending the relationship, arguments shouldn’t be shied away from. When done right, they can help you both grow as people and learn how to communicate better with one another.
4 Things to Avoid When Arguing
As stated above, arguments are inevitable in any kind of relationship, and when you’re able to communicate effectively and truly listen to your partner and want to resolve your issues, they can make relationships stronger. Saying this, there are four things to be aware of when arguing with your partner, and you both need to understand what these things are and why they should be avoided at all costs. Here are the 4 horsemen to watch out for before it’s too late.
Criticism is the cause for many relationships ending and ending badly at that. The definition of criticism is the expression of disapproval of someone or something on the basis of perceived faults or mistakes.
None of us are perfect, and so in reality, we can all criticize our partners at times. However, when there is more criticism than compliments, that’s when the real problem begins. The main problem with criticism is that it can pave the way for the worst of the horsemen — contempt.
Contempt is the worst of the 4 horsemen. It is the one you should avoid at all costs, not only in your romantic relationships but in any kind of relationship you have with others and with yourself. The definition of Contempt is the feeling that a person or a thing is worthless or beneath your consideration. According to Dr. Gottman, treating your partner with contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce.
“Contempt is poisonous because it conveys disgust. It can only be destructive. It is virtually impossible for a couple to resolve a problem while one partner is getting the message that the other finds them disgusting.”
Defensiveness is another horseman to avoid while arguing. I know this is easier said than done, and we can all become defensive when we feel like we’re being attacked. However, being defensive is detrimental to healthy relationships. The definition of being defensive is the quality of being anxious to challenge or avoid criticism.
When you are defensive, your mind is solely focused on proving your point. You are not really listening to what the other person is saying. Needing to be right all of the time will inhibit your personal growth. Try and learn to really listen to your partner’s issues and take a breath before barking back.
Stopping a discussion from developing by refusing to answer questions or by talking in such a way that you prevent other people from giving their opinions is the definition of stonewalling. It essentially means doing everything in your power to avoid resolving the issues you and your partner are facing.
The sad thing about stonewalling is that most people don’t even realize that they are doing it. Ever give your partner the silent treatment? Do you feel uncomfortable when talking about your feelings? Unfortunately, if your answer is yes, you may be stonewalling your partner.
The key to a happy and healthy, long-lasting relationship is open communication, honesty, and vulnerability with your partner.